It’s often hardest for me to tell uncomfortable truths to people who are close to me. Can you relate to this?
For example, a few years back I was being eaten alive by guilt because I was being two-faced. I was nice to someone close to me (let’s call this person Jim), but said bad things about him to almost everyone I knew behind his back. I was so frustrated with him about decisions he was making in his life. I initially felt I couldn’t tell him how I felt because:
I didn’t think I had a right to tell him how he should live. It was his life, not mine.
I had gotten into draining conversations with him about why I disagreed with his life decisions. Over time, I decided to bottle up my opinions when I was with him because the conversations were too draining when I tried to change his mind. Unfortunately, that bottle had a leak and I shared everything I felt about him to others behind his back.
I eventually went for dinner with Jim and came clean about what I had been doing. I felt so ashamed. I explained my reasoning and, thankfully, he understood.
In hindsight, I should have handled things differently.
With the knowledge I have now, if I were in the same situation I would have said something like this anytime Jim talked about a decision he was making I disagreed with:
You probably know based on our previous conversations that I disagree with your decision. I don’t think it’s a good idea for reasons we’ve discussed at length before, but I respect that it’s your life and I don’t want to tell you how to live. Who knows - I also might be wrong anyway and I don’t want to try convincing you to view it my way. I value having you in my life despite our disagreement on this one decision.
This situation with Jim is way behind me, but I have some hard conversations to have with other people who are close to me.
That’s why I’m writing this post. I was going to write about something else entirely, but after doing a gut-check a voice inside me told me I had to go much further out of my comfort zone. This is a journal to put me on notice: I have things to say to some people close to me now. I want to say that I will tell them tomorrow, but I’m scared I’ll wake up and chicken out.
If you could email me and ask if I told the people I have in mind that would be appreciated.
Thank you and have a nice Sunday :)
Azren
Take a deep breath and tell your people, despite the difficult conversations. The true friendships will stand the test.
How many people are you wishing to come clean with?