It will be helpful if you’ve already read my journal entry from August 27th BEFORE reading this one. Here’s the link:
*Sigh*
…
I’ve got to admit something: I think I teach too many classes.
I teach 26 different classes a week, spread out across 6-7 days. Aside from that, I have responsibilities in terms of running my business (e.g., meeting with new potential students, having meetings with my instructors, making content, doing administrative work.) Lastly, as everyone does, I have a personal life as well outside of work.
I have so many commitments that I don’t have as much time as would be ideal to prepare for my lessons.
Fun fact: preparing for lessons generally drains me, but teaching classes generally energizes me. I’ve met other instructors who seem to derive pleasure from, for example, designing a beautiful and highly-structured powerpoint for their students. I’m not like that.
If I found lesson prep more engaging, I would have far more customized and structured teaching resources as well as self-study materials for my students.
It would make me a better teacher.
Lately, I find that I don’t always look forward to teaching. I don’t feel that way every day, but more and more often I’ve noticed that I want to cancel on my students.
I hate canceling on my students. I value my word. I associate unreliability with a form of unintentional lying. However, I don’t have have much slush time in my calendar due to how many classes I teach. Therefore, if a personal commitment comes up (e.g., family dinner, an appointment for my sister), it frequently means that I have to cancel lessons.
On top of this, I feel that there isn’t enough time for me to pursue my other personal and professional goals because of how many classes I teach. I outlined these goals in more detail in my journal entry from August 27th, but here’s a quick summary of the main ones:
Increase my income. This is something I want to do both for myself and because I want to be in a place financially where I can support my disabled sister in the long-term. I’m her guardian.
Get involved in philanthropy once I’ve hit my personal financial goals
Improve my fitness by going to the gym regularly and hiring a personal trainer
Build a strong personal friendship circle
Learn various life skills such as swimming. I never learned to swim as a child.
I feel a sense of loss when I think about letting some students go.
I’ve taught most of my students for a number of years. I’m used to seeing them every week. The thought of not seeing them anymore saddens me :( I also feel that if I stop teaching them, I’m letting them down in some way. I’m worried that I’ll make them feel anxious and upset. I’m worried they won’t understand where I’m coming from.
Is this a flawed way of thinking?
Honestly, what I want more than anything is that I can simultaneously open up time to pursue my personal and professional goals while still supporting the students I currently teach in their language learning efforts. Perhaps this means that I transfer them to another instructor?
My next step is to share my feelings with the students who may affected by how I’m feeling. Thankfully, it doesn’t affect all of them. I hope that through honest dialogue, we can find the best pathway forward.
Wish me luck.
Thanks for reading this. If you have any comments or questions, don’t hesitate to contact me.