The exploration of my unconscious mind continues…
You may wonder how I do this. There are three primary strategies I use:
Active imagination. This is, in a sense, a form of meditation that I have done for quite some time. I’ve only recently learned that it actually has an official name.
Periodically throughout the day, I question the underlying motives for the things I do, say, think, or feel. The answers, when I’m honest with myself, are usually insightful.
I pretend there is a voice inside me that knows best. I regularly ask that voice how I should act and “listen” for what answer pops into my mind. Sometimes the answers surprise me and I have a conversation with the voice inside me to then negotiate the best path forward. Other times what the voice inside me tells me to do is so obviously right that I immediately listen.
Along this inward journey, I’ve learned (or been reminded of) three lessons that I’d like to share with you.
Lesson #1: Put myself in the shoes of those I judge
Fun fact about me: I used to judge people who drank alcohol. I was intimidated by alcohol, feared it, and didn’t like how it made people lose control. One day in 2016, I decided that I wanted to understand why people drank.
I was at an out-of-town conference with people I used to work with. To the surprise of my coworkers, I joined them for a night out and drank with them. Despite my best efforts, I ended up losing count of how many drinks I had. I returned to my hotel, collapsed on the bed, and went to sleep.
My hangover hit me the next morning on the flight back home to Calgary.
That was easily one of the worst flights of my life. I swore to myself that I would never get that drunk again and, to this day, I’ve kept that promise. After that experience, I stopped fearing alcohol and judging those who drink, even though I still barely drink.
In short, I learned the power of temporarily embodying that which I judge.
This is, in fact, why I recently bought new clothes that are more fashionable than I would usually wear. I’ve shared multiple times in my recent journal entries that I’ve been intimidated by fashion and judged those who dressed well. To get over this, I wanted to embody a more fashionable person.
I’m pleased to say that I’ve let go of years of judgement that has lived in my veins.
Lesson #2: Pay attention to the source of my admiration and jealousy
I have a friend who I admire, but am simultaneously jealous of. Let’s call her Jane. I recently sent Jane a letter to explain how I feel about her. Here’s an excerpt from that letter.
Jane, I want you to know that I used to feel a combination and admiration and jealousy toward you. I've only realized this recently and I feel guilty about the jealousy part. I think it influenced my behaviour in negative ways.
The thing is that you embody traits that I aspire to have. Because you have them and I felt that I was still working on them in myself, I simultaneously admired and felt jealous of you.
The traits in particular that I admire are:
How directly you communicate
Your work ethic and ability to bring a vision into reality
Your generosity and nobleness of spirit
Your eye for beauty and aesthetic appeal
What I project onto others serves as a map that guides the decisions I need to make in my life.
I had a conversation with Jane after writing her a letter. I noticed through that conversation that she takes more risks than I do. This is yet another trait I’d like to incorporate into my personality that I feel would likely benefit me.
Lesson 3: Tell deeper and more specific truths instead of general truths
Let me give you an example to demonstrate this. At my business, I have weekly meetings with my instructors. I have told them that the reasons behind these meetings were to:
Maintain open lines of communication and a positive working relationship.
Keep track of how many lessons students have remaining so I could bill them at the right time.
While this is all 100% true, it turns out that there was a 3rd, deeper and more personal truth as to why I was having weekly meetings that I only recently acknowledged: I felt that having weekly meetings would reduce the likelihood of instructors quitting their job in a manner that I would consider to be sudden and/or disrespectful.
By bringing this deeper level truth to my conscious mind, I have actually been able to create more time in my schedule and take an emotional weight off my shoulders.
For example, starting this month I will switch to having monthly meetings instead of weekly meetings. This still allows for students to be billed on time, catch up on my instructors’ lives and maintain open lines of communication.
In terms of addressing my fear of people quitting in a manner that I’d consider sudden and/or disrespectful, I decided that I will prepare a "How to Quit" document and go over it with everyone to make sure they are in agreement.
I’m relieved because my decision has quieted the nagging voice in my mind that our meetings were at least somewhat pointless and I’ve created additional free time for my instructors.
Thank you for reading today’s journal entry. I will continue to share further developments as my life continues to evolve. Feel free to contact me if you have any comments or questions.