Travel Blog 7: The Icing to Your Cupcake
The cupcake analogy to making friends who speak your target language
Red velvet cupcakes are my favourite flavour of cupcakes.
Photo by luisana zerpa on Unsplash
They’re so good! No other cupcake flavour even comes close to their deliciousness (maybe you disagree…in which case you can go find a new tongue.) I usually cut the cupcake horizontally in half and make an icing sandwich with both halves of the cupcake.
The best part about a cupcake is the mixture of icing and cake.
The cake by itself is not bad, but it’s enhanced by the icing. This is precisely the analogy I use when trying to befriend native speakers of my target language: I want to be the icing to your cupcake.
In practical terms, this means that I strive to give attention instead of compete for attention. I do this by:
Asking questions about different categories of their life (work, hobbies, travel, family, etc)
Paraphrasing the other person’s truth back to them
Sharing my honest reaction to what they say to me
Trying my best to have them talk for at least 2/3 of the time, if not more. They’re the cake after all. I’m just the icing.
Being good company doesn’t come naturally to me.
I still have some major flaws that I am working on. For example, there are certain situations where I’m far too quiet, passive, awkward, and frustrating to be around. On the other hand, in other situations I can be way too talkative and annoying.
One reason I work on my social skills is that I rely heavily on friendship when learning another language, particularly when I have an intermediate level. This is because:
I enjoy meeting new people.
I want speaking practice, or more specifically, a language parent.
I want to learn words and phrases that only locals use.
I want a window into another culture.
Try incorporating friendships as a language learning strategy
I feel that for many of you, it will not only reduce the time it takes to become fluent, but also make the language learning process much more enjoyable. Here are some ways you can make friends who speak your target language:
Take private lessons with an instructor you get along with. This is often my starting point.
Join in-person or online groups where native speakers of the language hang out.
Take lessons online for a skill you’re interested in learning, but do so in your target language instead of your first language.
Save up some money and travel abroad.
AirBnB a room in your house/apartment to meet make friends from abroad.
Stay in an AirBnB or a homestay in your your own with a family who speaks your target language for a local immersive experience (this has been on my list of things to try doing. It’s cheaper to spend a few weeks with, for example, a Chinese family in Calgary than flying across the world)
Use an app such as HelloTalk or Tandem to find a language exchange partner.
Thanks for reading this! If you have any comments or questions, or if you want to hire my business to help you reach your fluency goals, don’t hesitate to contact me. My team and I offer language classes for over 10 languages, personalized language coaching, corporate lessons, and an intensive Fast Track to Fluency program. Learn more by visiting my website.
Oh nice. I didn't know of tandem being another app for meeting different people with different speaking language
Oh nice. I didn't know of tandem being another app for meeting different people with different speaking language