Lately I’ve been writing about changes I want to make in my life.
Here are some of the most recent posts where I’ve talked about this topic. Part 1
Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5
Today’d I’d like to share a view I used to have on all forms of relationships (platonic or otherwise.) This time it’s more of a short, personal anecdote as opposed to a tangible change I am planning on making in my life.
As usual, at the bottom of the blog post, I’ve listed out other topics I still want to think through in future blog posts.
Without further ado, let’s jump in.
Let me tell you a story.
Throughout my life, I’ve deeply liked a number of people (e.g., friends, family, people I worked with.) Many of these relationships ended, especially when growing up, because the other person had a change in their life circumstances. Maybe they moved away, changes jobs, or simply evolved as a person and found a new group of friends. I was disappointed each time this happened.
I eventually realized that I used to have something resembling a “till death do us part” view on all types of relationships (romantic or otherwise.)
If we liked spending time with each other, I used to assume we would be in each other’s lives until one of us dies. I used to work to maintain relationships when, for example, someone moved away, and would be hurt if the other person didn’t reciprocate. I didn’t understand until later that not everyone shared my “till death do us part” view.
Because I didn’t understand my own frame of reference, I lived through an emotional rollercoaster with many relationships.
It looked something like this. This happened with platonic and romantic relationships:
I’d have one or multiple positive experiences with someone
We’d develop a relationship
I’d feel a mix of hope and anxiety
Hope because I wanted to continue seeing that person for the rest of my life
Anxiety because I was afraid of the relationship ending
The person eventually would leave or I’d stop spending time with the person because the anxiety was too much
I’d feel disappointed, sad, and lonely. I’d also grieve
I’d look for a new person/new people to have positive experiences with
The cycle would repeat
I’m glad that as an adult I have gained this understanding.
I believe people’s actions are, at least in part, driven by unconscious processes. Becoming aware of them gives us a chance of changing the unconscious processes that do not serve us.
That wraps up today’s blog post.
Here are the topics I would like to explore in the future.
What’s the first step to spending more time on business growth? I assume it’s speaking with my students that I won’t be teaching anymore
I also will need to decide if I’m sticking with my current service offering or if I modify it
What hobbies will I pursue in my free time? Probably becoming fit will be the first one, but we’ll see
Dating - am I going on 1 date a week? Is that the plan here?
What is my plan around hiring a personal trainer? What diet do I want to follow?
What product/service would I like to market at the Calgary Language Nerds? Language classes? I would imagine the answer is yes, but I may as well think about this
Am I doing anything to help Gujarati learners? What’s my vision around this? I feel a little guilty that I don’t do much currently to create Gujarati learning resources when, as far as I know, I’m one of relatively few people on Earth who actually can
I spend hours listening to music and watching videos (usually on YouTube.) Why is this bothering me?
I’m a deliberate person. Should I be more impulsive?
Just how weird am I? If I truly am a pretty unusual person, can I use this to my advantage?
That’s a lot. Good on you for taking it on and a logical manner.